I was made for this

This journey has been long and I’ve wanted to give up. Three kids by 21 and sometimes I felt stuck. My mind was set on being a stay-at-home wife, not realizing the plan that God had for my life. Many men I have known and the lies I’ve been told- heartbroken, time wasted on dreams I’ve been sold. Didn’t think I would make it as far as I have, never thought a life so good would be in my path. With a rabbit’s foot in my pocket, while knocking on wood, I looked up towards heaven, after doing all that I could. I opened up my mind and gave up my to-do list. Finally realized my path was connected to His. As much as I didn’t like it, I was made for this.

I can count on my hands the encouraging words that I’ve heard. Some people think DeMetria & success are two dirty words. Sometimes, I look back in wonder, now that I’ve come so far. The naysayer’s, the backbiters, and the disbelievers they are. Who would have known that this would be my end- it’s sad to say that these are my family and friends. But beyond the hurt, I continue to press on- looking towards The One from whom my strength has grown. My flesh sometimes says ‘let’s go, give in to what you see. The life that I have wasn’t meant for me” As I run for the hills, I fall in a ditch- just another reminder that I was made for this shit.

I hate disappointments; I hate the word “no”. One word of refusal, I’m ready to go. But this last year I’ve leaned that it’s not all about me- some eternal soul cleansing, a better person to be. So I take the minor setbacks, like the woman I am, I had a little talk with Jesus and came up with a plan. Throughout this life, there are hits and miss. I have to remember, that I was made for this.

So I put my pride in my pocket and take the blinders off my eyes, take each day as it comes and not be surprised. I’ve learned to put my hands in the hand of the Man that knows The Man. I can’t take this life for granted, stopped saying I couldn’t when I can. It’s been 34 for years and I’ve learned this little bit- With the charm of 5 women and the strength of 10 men-I can give up my life, in the shape that it’s in- You’d be hard pressed to find another who could live my life better than me, for God has finally given me the vision to see: Through the good times and bad, in sorrow and pain, 4 billion people on earth, God knows DeMetria by name. I question His reasons for the bad days I have. I wonder “why me?” through the tears and the laughs. Just when I think that I’ve come to the end of my rope- I’ve counted all my losses and given up hope. I remember the years that God has brought me through. How He’s eased my mind when I didn’t know what to do. How He gave me strength to keep keeping on. When all on my ‘keep’ had packed up and gone. When the money is missing and the bills are overdue; when I couldn’t see the sun, thru the tears and the blues. And then I get comfort from a voice that is His saying “you can’t give up now, you were made for this.”

11/2007