"And the time came.....

.....when the risk to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom (Anias Nin). I started a new job today. I hate change. My old job was reeeaaallll laid back and required little of me- little time, little effort, little responsbility. This new venture is staunch and has to have my full attention.In this venture, I have to be responsible. Irresponsibility on my part could mean life or death of a defenseless child. Ok, I'll eat those words, I don't hate change, I dislike doing something different, especially is it allows my weaknesses (in which I have many) to show.

I said from the start of this journey that I wanted to learn more about me.Up until this past week, I was employed as a Substance Abuse Counselor. In treatment,one of the main goals for the client was to do a self-evaluation. I think I have to do that. I'll be 34 soon. It's time to let the real me shyne. Just now, I'm willing to admit that I truly have two parts: What people see in me and what I allow them to see.

When I'm calm, I control my speech. I work real hard to stay calm. I know my limits and am honest about my feelings ((mmmmm, do I really wanna say honest?....I monitor my conversation)). But please, please, what-in-so-ever-you-do, don't let me get mad. I lose the ability to bullshyt around...sparing feelings are not an option. I think in the mental health realm, they call that inability to manage anger. If there was one thing I could change about me....that'd be it.

Family, I'm still a work in progress....so, let the progress begin.