Ready2Shyne

You Deserve to Cum 1st (King Khari)

2009-04-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

This is a great spoken word...you should listen to the vocals...I LOVE King Khari!!!!! I present to you You Deserve to Cum First....

I noticed that you're looking depressed once again
is your boyfriend the cause of your frustration?
the same dude you're constantly complaining
about how he can never rise to the occasion
and suffers from premature ejaculation?

And now you're looking depressed
feeling deprived from the lack of good sex
and you told me your boyfriend has tried everything from
Viagra, Cialis to Stamina RX

Baby, let me give you a reality check!

You deserve more than a man who suffers from premature ejaculation
you deserve a man that can offer you hours of mental stimulation
ten inches worth of penetration
and multiple orgasms

I've got what you've been missin'
I'm a man who believes in slow tongue kissin'
Slowly lickin' a woman from the nape of her neck
Sensually sucking her nipples and breast
Fondling her wet womanhood while lifting up her dress
until she explodes!

Sweetheart
You deserve to c um first
you deserve a man who appreciates your worth
you deserve a man who believes in intellectual foreplay
a man who will stimulate you mentally before engaging in a sexual foray

I'm the type of man who gets pleasure from giving pleasure
making sure that my woman is satisfied
so I have no problem with kneeling down on bended knee
anointing my tongue with the holy waters that drip from
in-between your thighs
because I believe that's where a piece of heaven lies

Sweetheart
You deserve to c um first
you deserve a man who appreciates your worth
you deserve a man who believes in intellectual foreplay
stimulating you mind before engaging in a sexual foray

But more importantly
you deserve a good man like me
a man who believes in monogamy
a man wants to build a family
and appreciates a good woman

Besides didn't you catch your man cheating with some other chick?
must've thought he was slick
recorded his infidelity like it was a porno flick
sweetheart you can't teach an old dog new tricks

So let the cheating dog go
because if you keep sleeping with a dog
you're going to wake up with fleas
a venereal disease
STDs and maybe HIV

You deserve a man who will cherish you like a priceless jewel
and that boy you're dealing' with is a fool
and once you leave him
he's going to find out the hard way about the 80/20 rule

I want to be the man who hits your G-spot
a man that's constantly making' you hot
so I'm gonna have to snatch you away from that lil' boy
because a sexy woman like you
should never have to satisfy herself by using a toy

He's too busy trying to be a swinger
and he still hasn't put a ring on your finger
claiming he's in love
but the only ring he ever left you is around your bathtub

Sweetheart
You deserve to c um first
you deserve a man who appreciates your worth
you deserve a man who believes in intellectual foreplay
stimulating you mind before engaging in a sexual foray

How to understand your woman better

2009-04-20T06:01:00.000-07:00

While this in not an original post, I thought that it was great reading :)

9 WORDS OR PHRASES WOMEN USE (and how to interpret them)

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument, when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half a n hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “Fines.”

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add - This is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” - then it is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “You're welcome”...that will bring on a “whatever”).

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Thank You, Mr. Stealer

2009-04-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

On Friday the 13th, I arrived home to see that you had stopped by. Sure, it was unannounced and unexpected. Your entry into my home was so brazen, that even today; I am amazed that you and your friends would kick in my front door in broad daylight. Yes, I do know that I have a nice home with nice things. You see, I work long hours, and sometimes on weekends, to make my home comfortable and enjoyable for my family and I.

My first reactions were anger, frustration and fear. I cursed you for every inch of your life and grumbled over the fact that my “stuff” was missing. All this before I had even entered the house. But in the midst of my tirade, I realized that my young son was looking at me and my response to your deeds. I quickly realized that I needed to thank God- regardless of what I was feeling. So in a heart felt prayer, I thanked Him for allowing my home to be empty when you stopped by. Philippians 4:6 (KJV) says "Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."

I called the police, my family and a few friends. Within 15 minutes, we had entered the home to see what you had done. I was unable to get my thoughts together because I was shocked that this had happened. My family took over and guided me through this. When Office Meade arrived, he was professional and seemed to understand that I was disheveled. During his encounter at my home, he told us that several people in the area had been burglarized that same day. Almost by instinct, I closed my eyes to say a silent prayer for my neighbors for their loss and heard my aunt’s voice praying out loud for them, Officer Meade and even you. When I talked to an out of town friend to tell him about the events, he prayed for you, too. Can you imagine that, Mr. Stealer, in the midst of it all, somebody was praying for YOU.

Later that night, I lay in bed thanking God that we had been protected. As tears rolled down my face, I thought of what could have happened if someone would have been there. You could have come in the middle of the night or when my family was within, but on this day, you had my house all to yourself. And you probably don’t realize it, but one of the lives that you spared that day may have been your own. So I thank you Mr. Stealer. I thank you for taking my appliances and things. I didn’t realize it then but those worldly things were thieves in it self. The time that my family and I spent on the net and watching TV stole precious time away from each other but most importantly, they stole time away from God. Without the computer and television to distract us, we have time to talk and play games. You see, you didn't break us, you made us stronger. I believe it was Joss Stone that coined the phrase "Bruised but not Broken". I've lived this life for many years and I know that bruises heal.

In my initial state of despair, I wished you death and total destruction. I know that ain’t God, but you took stuff that I worked for and enjoyed immensely. Yeah, I have insurance to repair the damage and replace the goods that you stole. Yeah, my neighbors and I will be more vigilant about our surroundings. But most importantly, the prayers of my family and friends for you have restored my faith that God is still good- despite what we see. You see, Mr. Stealer, I happen know that “in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28 (NIV). And I happen to love me some God. And because you came into our lives, we see another example of just how good God is. How amazing is that!

2/14/09

Love, Lies & Lationship

2009-04-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

I am the woman I claim to be:
Your predecessors have taught me well.
I am the woman who has endured pain, existed with pain,
and have been empowered by pain.
For pain produces patience and perseverance.
Therefore, neither your current situation nor
my past failures will drain my life essence.

I am the woman I claim to be:
I will passionately pursue my heart's desires,
yearnings and longings.
For, I am the woman reshaped, molded and crafted
to complete my highly expected purpose and great destiny.

I am the woman I claim to be:
I am not defined by my temporal circumstances or situations.
The matter of the when, where
or how I came to be is irrelevant.
My life story has been told
a million times over.
I am the woman refined in the fire as gold.

I am the woman I claim to be:
Poverty was replaced by prosperity.
Accordingly, I dare to dream instead of dread.
I live instead of exist.
I maintain hope while ignoring despair.
I love without lack or limitations.

I am the woman I claim to be.
I have learned:
to see the beauty in the storm
to know the profit of failure
to know the value of tears
to see false evidence appearing real
to agree to disagree
to my own self be true
For these reasons, I promise to only give my perfect best,
nothing more, nothing less.

I am the woman who knows the ONE
and faithfully trusts the ONE who is able
to do exceedingly and abundantly
above all that I could ever think or ask,
which is why I change the things I can
and leave alone the things I can't change.

I am the woman I claim to be:
Because HE is... I know I am...
Because you are... I continue to recognize the value of
love, lies n 'lationships

1/16/09

Love, Their Mother

2009-04-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

The only time I blog is when I'm angry or hurt. Well today family, I am pissed. You see, I just came from child support court for the umpteenth time listening to this fella nonchalantly say why he can't provide for his child...our child.

Theodore Henberg once said “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” So, I put a twist on Mr. Hensbergs quote and used it to guide me through this. So this is an open letter to him...but you can feel free to change a couple of adjectives and pass it on as your own.

Dear You,

During my drive from the hearing, I smiled to myself as I thought that Uncle Sam pays benefits on a monthly basis but quickly realized that the thought wasn't God. So, instead of wishing total death and damnation upon you, I instead prayed that you would be blessed beyond measure. I'm not talking about just financial blessing, because it's a proven fact that money does not bring joy. What I mean by blessings is the joy of being a true parent.

Basically since the birth of our child, I have been both mom and dad. Judging by their outcome, I have to say, I’ve done a good job. See, I’ve done ok providing financially and have providing them with many worldly good. But just recently, in the last 7 years as a matter of fact, I have learned the joys of being a parent. I used to think that being a good mom was making sure that my babies were dressed nice, were involved in activities and had a few dollars in their pockets. A good mom took her children on trips and vacations. I wasted a lot of time working two or three jobs trying to attain “things”. I never wanted my babies to do without these “things” because you were not there. Little did I know that the only thing that they wanted was for me to be their mom and for you to be their dad.

You see, even though I totally think that you are a deadbeat and an official waste of skin, I had to realize that I love you beyond measure because you are my baby daddy. And because I love you, I hold you in the highest regard. Whatever my babies become, it’s because of you. Where ever my babies go, it’s because of you. Even in your absence, you are still teaching. Our son has learned the importance of loving himself so that he can adequately love a woman. As your daughter, she longs to feel the love that she is missing from you.

As just as I began to end my prayer, I realized that what you are lacking is God. I’ve known you for years and have never seen you kneel in prayer. So, today, I gave you some of my God. He’s the God that has guided me to guide your child. He is the one that has protected your daughter’s heart when she was heartbroken. He is the one that she seeks when she is in pain or needs to comforted. He is the ONE that your son attempts to model after and seeks daily. I never thought that my children could love another man so much. He has taken care of what you have neglected. He had cultivated the seed that you have planted

Yeah, Mr. Hensberg was right… I just read it wrong. “The most important thing a FATHER can do for his children is to love...

(Sincerely,)

Their Mother

I was made for this

2009-04-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

This journey has been long and I’ve wanted to give up. Three kids by 21 and sometimes I felt stuck. My mind was set on being a stay-at-home wife, not realizing the plan that God had for my life. Many men I have known and the lies I’ve been told- heartbroken, time wasted on dreams I’ve been sold. Didn’t think I would make it as far as I have, never thought a life so good would be in my path. With a rabbit’s foot in my pocket, while knocking on wood, I looked up towards heaven, after doing all that I could. I opened up my mind and gave up my to-do list. Finally realized my path was connected to His. As much as I didn’t like it, I was made for this.

I can count on my hands the encouraging words that I’ve heard. Some people think DeMetria & success are two dirty words. Sometimes, I look back in wonder, now that I’ve come so far. The naysayer’s, the backbiters, and the disbelievers they are. Who would have known that this would be my end- it’s sad to say that these are my family and friends. But beyond the hurt, I continue to press on- looking towards The One from whom my strength has grown. My flesh sometimes says ‘let’s go, give in to what you see. The life that I have wasn’t meant for me” As I run for the hills, I fall in a ditch- just another reminder that I was made for this shit.

I hate disappointments; I hate the word “no”. One word of refusal, I’m ready to go. But this last year I’ve leaned that it’s not all about me- some eternal soul cleansing, a better person to be. So I take the minor setbacks, like the woman I am, I had a little talk with Jesus and came up with a plan. Throughout this life, there are hits and miss. I have to remember, that I was made for this.

So I put my pride in my pocket and take the blinders off my eyes, take each day as it comes and not be surprised. I’ve learned to put my hands in the hand of the Man that knows The Man. I can’t take this life for granted, stopped saying I couldn’t when I can. It’s been 34 for years and I’ve learned this little bit- With the charm of 5 women and the strength of 10 men-I can give up my life, in the shape that it’s in- You’d be hard pressed to find another who could live my life better than me, for God has finally given me the vision to see: Through the good times and bad, in sorrow and pain, 4 billion people on earth, God knows DeMetria by name. I question His reasons for the bad days I have. I wonder “why me?” through the tears and the laughs. Just when I think that I’ve come to the end of my rope- I’ve counted all my losses and given up hope. I remember the years that God has brought me through. How He’s eased my mind when I didn’t know what to do. How He gave me strength to keep keeping on. When all on my ‘keep’ had packed up and gone. When the money is missing and the bills are overdue; when I couldn’t see the sun, thru the tears and the blues. And then I get comfort from a voice that is His saying “you can’t give up now, you were made for this.”

11/2007

7 Wonders (8/28/08)

2009-04-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

Father, I stretch my hands to Thee, no other help I know.
If Thou withdraw Thyself from me, Ah! whither shall I go.
Author of faith, to Thee I lift my weary, longing eyes.
O let me now receive that gift, my soul without it dies. (2)

I have found a friend in Jesus, He’s everything to me.
He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul.
The Lily of the Valley, in Him alone I see
All I need to cleanse and make me fully whole.
In sorrow, He’s my comfort, in trouble, He’s my stay;
He tells me every care on Him to roll. (3)

Have we trials and temptation? Is there trouble everywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a Friend so faithful; who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer. (1)

When we walk with the Lord in the light of his word, what a glory he sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides in us still, and with all who will trust and obey.
But we can never prove the delights of His love until all on the alter we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows, are for them who will trust and obey. (4)

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me. (6)

I know Him, adore Him, a good life to show Him. I’ll tell it wherever I go.
He’s nearest, He’s clearest, in my life He’s dearest. I’ll tell it wherever I go.
What He is to you, maybe you can’t see. But this thing I know, he’s everything to me.
He saved me, He’ll raise me, forever I’ll praise Him. I tell it wherever I go. (7)

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus and take Him at his word.
Just to rest upon His promise and to know, “Thus said the Lord”
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee; precious Jesus, Savior, Friend.
And I know that Thou art with me, wilt be with me to the end. (5)

1. What a Friend We have in Jesus
2. Father, I Stretch My Hands to Thee
3. The Lily of the Valley
4. Trust and Obey
5. ‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus
6. Great is Thy Faithfulness
7. I’ll tell it Wherever I Go

2 years

2009-04-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

So I know it's been like almost 2 years since I last dropped in . It took an old pal (Thanks Cliff)to remind me that I still had a blog. I re-read my old post and realized just how much I needed to vent...I really want to apologized for being a slackard. I really hpe that you'll forgive me. So here's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna post a few blogs that I wrote for my high school page. Keep reading, I hope that you enjoy :)

Shyne

So the other day,

2007-06-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm at the library and came upon the movie "Their eye's were watching God". I had already read this novel by Zora Neale Hurston a long time ago but felt the need to expand my mind a little so, I rented it. It you haven't seen it, you should really look into it. (While I'm at it, let me plug "Anne Rice's Feast of All Saints"- it's great!)Halle Berry and Micheal Ealy did a great job of retelling the love story.

There was one line it in that made me moist. It was the part where Janie and Tea Cake were waiting out the hurricane and Janie told Tea Cake (and the paraphrasing starts here...)that she had been blinded by her other failed relationships and didn't value him at first. She went on to say that now that she's opened herself up and stop being afraid to love another man, God has brought him (Tea Cake) to her. I know my version is weak but, it meant a whole lot to me.

I think I've found my 'Tea Cake'. Someone that I'm not afraid to open up to and be ready for whatever is to come. Just the other day, I told him that I had to find a nick name for him. (Because I call him by his entire first name- which sounds so formal). So, after seeing this movie, I'll call him 'TK' because he means that much to me.

Age ain't nuttin but a number.....

2007-06-18T15:36:00.000-07:00

or at least that's what the song says. Today is my 34th birthday and I'm gonna spend it alone. Did I sound bitter when I said that? I hope not. As I grow and become comfortable with my present situation, I'm enjoying my 'me' time. My new co-workers gave me some birthday cupcakes and sang me a song. Tonight, I'm looking to a hot bath, hot meal and a good book.

Ok, Ok...I'd like the company of a man (not just any man, but my man) but since he's nowhere to be found, Eric Jerome Dickey is good enuff.

The job is getting better everyday. Although I see flaws in the system, these have encouraged me to look further into my educational endeavors. One of the things that I have seen so far that has my thongs in a bunch is the over-medication of our black boys to 'calm them down'. If I haven' said it before, I now work for a state agency in the child welfare division.

Just the other day, I sat in on a transfer of custody hearing for a black male child (12) who had been prescribed 6 different medications for depression, bi-polar and ADHD. So, you might not think it's bad now but check this....he's been in the system since he was 5. His mom is and addict. He was molested by his mom's paramour (using my big-girl words.....boyfriend for those who didn't know). No body in his family will keep him because they don't want to deal with his mom and her shyt (so, he thinks it's his fault). He has 3 other siblings and they've been split up to different foster homes and this is his 8th placement (to a different home/facility). Now with a life that's as bad as his has been for the last 7 years shouldn't depression be expected!?!?!

So, they medicate him to keep him "calm". So, me being the new kid on the block, I ask, "Has he been in counseling" - for the molestation, abandonment issues, and overall fucked up home life- and they looked at me like I was the one crazy. So in stead of getting to the root of the problem, they keep him dope up. So now family, I wanna know what will we have when this kid grows up and is released from the system- after we've cut ties with his family and basically fucked his life up further? What we have is another black man in jail- we've made him an addict and he ain't got shyt to lose.

So to close my rant, I'll leave you with this....If you can't make life better, stay the fuck out!

"And the time came.....

2007-05-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

.....when the risk to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom (Anias Nin). I started a new job today. I hate change. My old job was reeeaaallll laid back and required little of me- little time, little effort, little responsbility. This new venture is staunch and has to have my full attention.In this venture, I have to be responsible. Irresponsibility on my part could mean life or death of a defenseless child. Ok, I'll eat those words, I don't hate change, I dislike doing something different, especially is it allows my weaknesses (in which I have many) to show.

I said from the start of this journey that I wanted to learn more about me.Up until this past week, I was employed as a Substance Abuse Counselor. In treatment,one of the main goals for the client was to do a self-evaluation. I think I have to do that. I'll be 34 soon. It's time to let the real me shyne. Just now, I'm willing to admit that I truly have two parts: What people see in me and what I allow them to see.

When I'm calm, I control my speech. I work real hard to stay calm. I know my limits and am honest about my feelings ((mmmmm, do I really wanna say honest?....I monitor my conversation)). But please, please, what-in-so-ever-you-do, don't let me get mad. I lose the ability to bullshyt around...sparing feelings are not an option. I think in the mental health realm, they call that inability to manage anger. If there was one thing I could change about me....that'd be it.

Family, I'm still a work in progress....so, let the progress begin.

My life could always be worst.....

2007-05-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

Last night, a young friend came by to visit, said he wanted a change of scenery. Seems like his life is falling apart around his ankles and he doesn't know what to do. As the story goes, he has been bounced among family memebers since he was 14. His mom died and he was left to go to whomever would take him in. Now, being a 24 year old man, he hasn't realized that it's time to 'man-up' and take care of his damn self!

He moved in with his brother, under the stipulation that he buys his own food and put gas in the car when he uses it. Between the lies that he shoots me, I gathered that much. He won't work this job, because 'they ain't paying enuff'. He won't work that job because, 'the hours ain't right". His brother is threatening to put him out. So, instead of facing his financial woes and finding any job like the rest of the grown folk, he had this big idea....."Imma rob somebody just to get caught so I can go to jail. At least I'll get to eat and have a place to sleep." WTF?!?!

I've been so broke that my kids had to play with their imaginations. I've written post-dated checks to feed my family (before Walmart perfected check debit). I've frequented the cash-until-payday so often that they knew me by name. But the only robbery I've commited was robbing Peter to pay Paul. I tried to explain to him...this life is about making deals. As grown folk, you gotta do what it takes to survive. Robbing Joan Q. Public just to go to jail is dumb. I know my shyt is fucked up....but it could always be worst.

The makings of ME: part 1

2007-05-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

I'm scared....of failure, of success, of being lonely, of being poor, of rats, of dead dogs, of change. Because I know who I am and where I am in life, I am not afraid to talk about my weak areas.
In the past few months, I have had the opportunity to spend time with men who saw what they considered 'flaws' in my character. While, I will agree that I come off as being bossy, if you only knew the story behind my life, you'd probably understand. I have to take offense to being called mean, self-centered and aggressive. If you really knew me, you'd definitely realized that I am one of the best women on this earth. I hate that I have to explain myself but, it has become necessary that I do so. Obviously, I come off in a negative light because I have heard negative comments from men regarding my attitude/ outlook.

So for the 1st time, anywhere, EVER, I am going to give you the makings of me.

Birth to age 15: In the beginning
I was born on June 18, 1973, in Montgomery. I am the 2nd of 3 daughters born to Curtis and Deborah. My father was Vietnam vet, schizophrenic and an alcoholic. My mother worked various jobs and later became a practicing drug addict. My parents separated when I was 14. Before that time, I lived in a home where we all were scared of my dad- between drunk cycles and mood swings, we never knew who we were dealing with.

Growing up, I always had the 'middle child' syndrome- not as smart as ____, not as skinny as ____, not as cute as ____. I knew that my parents loved me but now I know that I didn't love myself. I have a lot of friends but none too special. I was always the funny one who made them laugh, I knew all the biz. Even then, I was a chameleon- I changed to fit the situation. I had sex for the 1st time at age 13....his name was LJ....I lied and told him that I was 14 so he'd like me. Funny, I did that a lot....fucked so I could feel liked. Wow.

When I was 14, I met Mike. He was a 19 year old man who made me feel good. My mom approved of me being 'friends' with him....later, I found out that he started selling weed to her. He protected me and taught me a lot. Still today, I can't think of a man that I loved more. Mike is the basis for what I look for. One time he told me, "If a man don't make you feel like this when you with him, he ain't for you." He promised to always take care of me (and in a sense, he did). Don't think I've ever felt safe again. Mike and I lasted a year and then, my dad found out about us. He ended our friendship after my dad told him he was going to have him arrested for statutory rape. We remained friends and moved on. Mike mailed me a card telling me when I got older, we would be together again. That never happened, he was murdered 6 years later.....

And then came Keith....a do nothing nigga from the start....he's the father of my 1st daughter. He had the nerve to beef with Mike over my daughter because Mike took care of her financially. Still today, he won't acknowledge her as being his child......But, that's another post... I had my daughter at age 15. I soon got a full-time job and went to school half the day. Even though I had the responsibility of having a child, I was still a kid and did kid things. Life was good, until William came in.....

16-21: In the middle
William was my mom's boyfriend. He was a lazy SOB. Had my mom's head in the clouds. During this time, her drug use picked up and she wasted a lot of the money that she made plus our child support. Shit was always being turned off and we couldn't keep a car. We moved all the time. So by now, we (my mom, my 2 sisters -19 &12, me and my daughter) were living in a 2 bedroom apt. One night he made the PSA that me and my older sister (age 19) were too old to be living at home. So my mom relayed that message to us (along with her own personal message that she never wanted me and my older sister in the 1st place)and basically told us to bounce. So, I called my dad and moved with he and my step mom to Charleston, SC. That was January 1991. My senior year.

Once I arrived in SC, things were good. My dad had his drinking under control and he and my step mom had money (funny how that happens when your kids are gone). I enrolled in school there and didn't have to work. Because Alabama's graduation requirements were so far behind South Carolina's, I had to go to school- and summer school- day and night. But not to worry, I DID graduate. During that time, I met Maceo.

Mace was a funny guy. He loved me as much as a 18 year old boy could love a 17 year old girl. I enrolled in a Jr. college in the city. Soon, my dad was transferred to Boston. I had a choice, move to Boston or return to Alabama....I chose Alabama- it was all I knew. Mace traveled 9 hours to visit me every other month and I went there over the summer. I got pregnant with our daughter in December 1991. We talked about getting married but he was never ready...always needed to get himself together.....up until 2006, he was still talking about getting himself together. Mace has a massive brain stem stroke on September 14, 2006. It was our daughter's 14th birthday. He died on September 19, 2006. He was 35.

Mace and I broke up in 1993. I hooked back up with an old high school friend, Marion. He was one of those guys that you would have never envisioned with me- he was quiet and smart. I was loud and wild. Together, we had a son. Marion and I were together for 2 years. During those years, I did most of my growing up. Our relationship was.....busy. We fought and loved, loved and fought. Finally, he called one day (Easter 1996) saying that he was about to make a life changing decision....I thought he was gonna say that he was gay because he did possess some feminine ways....He was getting MARRIED!!!!! to some 19 year old chick that he got pregnant...UNBELIEVABLE!!!. I was devastated....I was distraught....I was blown. Hell, we were still fuckin....too much happened after that one but, we'll touch on that one later....I gotta get back to work.

Shyne

Why blog?

2007-05-10T11:30:00.001-07:00

I was reading a friend's blog and thought this was a great way to vent. Being a Counselor by trade, sometimes, I just need to be heard. At this point in my life I consider that I am doing well. I have 3 children and a career that is moving along. I own my own home and 2 cars. I have a few friends, though none I would consider 'quality' friends- but I'll come back to that at a later date. By my definition, I am unattached- I don't have a permanent male companion but, I do date. Single does not accurately describe me. I come with a lot of 'stuff'. By 'stuff' I don't mean baggage, I mean thoughts. As you read this, you'll get a clearer picture of who I really am. I know, I'm rambling....I'm just so happy to have started this thing. Finally, my own e-diary. A place where you, my new extended e-family can help me to grow. I'm looking forward to this journey....